In mid-2004, after ten months (that was also the length of time that we had accepted the Lord Jesus in our lives) that our company fared with only our employees, my husband and I decided that he would take over. It was a hard time for us. My husband is a mechanical engineer and worked as head of Engineering and Maintenance Dept. in a food company for many years. Active ingredients for use in skin and personal care products were completely new to him, and my staff of all females (except the company driver), didn’t help the situation either.
My husband would go home trying to discuss with me the many technical terms he was studying hard and familiarizing himself with. I knew it was difficult for him, for I gained all that knowledge in college and many years of work experience and continuous studying. My mind were filled with questions: “Why doesn’t the Lord just heal me so I could go back to work and my husband could go back to his, and it’s far easier that way?”; “Why can’t our family be like our neighbors’ or the families of my daughter’s classmates, having meals together, going out, traveling, and doing all those stuff that a normal family does?”
Many times I ached to care for my daughter myself – to show her things, teach her, and do things together with her.
During those times, I felt our life was in complete disarray. I wasn’t used to that life – a disoderly kind of life. It was definitely not what I had dreamed of. I was used to organizing my own life, strictly following the schedules, agendas, and plans I’ve set. But our life had come to complete chaos, not being able to understand any of it, and we were left with nothing, EXCEPT TO TRUST IN GOD.
In His desire to rearrange our life, God took the things that we depended on so that we would learn to depend on Him, ONLY ON HIM.
So, even when our long-time employees left one by one, and our daughter decided to stop going to pre-school because she was afraid to leave her sick Mom, there was nothing left to do but TRUST, to put our lives in the hands of Him who knows everything, and who rearranges our lives so that they will align with His plans.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. (Jer. 29:11)
When we learn to trust, we let go of the old life that we’ve carefully planned and organized. Letting go, that is, letting God have a free hand to work in our lives is a proof of our trust. For how can we say we trust in Him when we can’t learn to let go, when we keep on holding on to our own ways, our own will? But sometimes, like in our case, we’re left with so little choice. Holding back, then, would be a losing battle.
Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD. For he … shall not see when good cometh… (Jer. 17: 5,6)
When we trust in ourselves, in our flesh and strength, we only see chaos, lack, fear and misery in our lives, and we’re unable to see the good that’s coming, that’s planned for us. But the Bible tells of the BLESSEDNESS of trusting in the Lord:
Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.
For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit. (Jer. 17: 7-8)
So, in the drought of strength, of wisdom, of gladness, of order, we keep on trusting. And that’s what we did. By God’s kind guidance, we were steadfast in praying, thanking, worshiping. For a man that hopes and trusts in God shall be like a tree planted by the waters, and yielding fruits: fruits of righteousness, fruits of his labors, fruits of his faithfulness.
In January 2006, when Hannah had stopped going to school (she was in Senior Kinder), the Lord had started to heal me, so I took over her schooling. Everyday, we were together, I was the teacher, she was my happy and willing pupil. We ate meals together, and in the afternoons, we napped. When she went to play in the park, she always returned home with a flower for me. In her free times, she was always looking for a flower that she could give me. When I wasn’t feeling well, she would lie beside me and hold my hand.
That was the start of our closeness as mother and daughter, and it was sweet… and beautiful. It was everything I’ve longed for as a mother.
Yes, the mighty deeds of the Lord are ALWAYS amazing. Indeed, beautiful things happen when we trust in Him.
So, let go and let God.