Found in Him

I could climb a hundred steps many times everyday as I left classrooms and/or library and went home to our ladies dorm. My heart was light, spirit always strong and believing, even though life in college was hard. (That is, when money was short and food sometimes wasn’t enough and still left me hungry). And I finished Bachelor of Science in Chemical Engineering with good grades and passed the board licensure exams with good rating, by the grace of God.

I could drive hundreds of miles to buy my father’s natural “anti-cancer” pills, then drove again for hours during the night to bring him home to the province because he already missed his bed. I could drive even when my eyes were blinded by pouring tears. My spirit was always strong and believing, even though my father was dying.

I kept visiting clients, presenting and discussing my products (active ingredients for the manufacture of cosmetics and personal care products), even though for more than two months there hadn’t been a single order, and I was just starting. My spirit was always strong and believing, after I had sobbed on my desk in my small apartment-office.

Then, success came, and I basked in its glory. I embraced the world, and the pleasures and endless options that it offered. Then I lost my way. And when I lost my way, I became crippled, both in body and in spirit. I could hardly climb more than three steps, and I could no longer drive.

The way to destruction was wide and very dark. It was so dark that I didn’t see the pit, and I fell hard to the bottom of it. I was alone in the pit, with cold, murky waters that made me tremble to the core in fear, and made me feel like I was drowning fast, and I didn’t know if there was anybody or anything that could help me and save me.

(Without Christ in our hearts, we could easily lose our way in the world, the world that “lies on wickedness”*, and we could easily become an easy prey of the “god of this world”**. The world is dangerous, success could deceive, and sin could kill).

I groped in the dark. The priest couldn’t do anything but point me to the psychiatrist, someone he used to see himself. Desperate, I went to see a psychiatrist (a different one from the one the priest recommended). When I left her office, I vowed never to return. But I still tried her many pills, little white rounds that she told me would lift the darkness and heaviness and blow the clouds away.

But her pills made me shake so hard my husband ( who was slowly returning home and helping me out) covered me with layers of thick comforters, and when that didn’t work, he pinned me down with his own weight. Then the pills took effect and I entered into a deep sleep.

Darkness. Sin. Overwhelming guilt. Great fear. Helplessness. Hopelessness. I had known them with tremendous familiarity.

When I awoke, I hated those pills. I knew I didn’t need them. Then I remembered the Jesus that was vaguely introduced to me in college, and whom I had read about for a short time during those years, and I uttered a prayer in my heart.

“Lord Jesus, please help me. I believe in You. I’m here. You can find me here…”

One blessed Saturday afternoon, His light came shining on our home that had become my only world. He brought me to my “Jordan River”, and there He washed me of ALL the sin that was weighing down heavily upon me. He took it ALL upon Himself: the sin, the sting, the shame, the punishment, the death. My death. He died my death so I could live.

And when I came out of the water, He was there waiting for me with arms wide open.

My Savior came mightily when I was at hell’s gates and whisked me away, and opened salvation’s gate for me.

Jesus’ love for me is this: that He loved me and cared for me so much He didn’t allow me to be thrown into hell and perish, because He wanted me to spend eternity with Him.

It took over two years before I could bask in God’s healing grace. When I learned to walk again, both physically and spiritually, I was completely a new creation, but always leaning on Jesus’ strong arms.

I wanted my career back, but my Lord said “No”, and I cried hard, like a little child who had lost her most-cherished toy.

He wanted me to realize that He is enough for me. That knowing Him, walking with Him, and serving Him by being a light to others should already make my life meaningful and fulfilled.

Now, I’ve learned to embrace this truth: that knowing Jesus and His love and great mercy is the best thing that ever happened to me. My career is gone and my work forgotten – the things that used to define me – but I’m not lost, for I’m found in Him. I lost the “excellency” of a stellar career to gain the most excellent of all: knowing Christ and abiding in Him.

…I count all things  but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,

And be found in Him… (Phil. 3:8, portion of 9)

I lost the identity of being a successful business-and-careerwoman to gain the identity of being God’s true child – saved and beloved.

Endnotes:

  1. *Please see 1 John 5:19.
  2. **Please see 2 Cor. 4:4.
  3. Related posts: About Me; Only Jesus; A Time of Anonymity
  4. “Shepherd and Lamb” photo taken from here.

Linking to Spiritual Sundays, Brag on God Friday

Journey with Jesus,

 

Comments

  1. Rose says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. Jesus truly searches for us wherever we are and brings us to Him if we let Him. Your story is a beautiful example of that.

  2. XyZa says:

    Thank you for sharing. I guess we are in the same journey now. Reached probably the peak of my career at a very early age, LOST track, and Now I’m fixing the road with GOD. God always find ways to get us back. And it feels so good that I have obeyed.

    Thanks again for this Ms. Rina.

  3. jenna says:

    i just received my package today… thank you for the wonderful book… ‘ll be reading it tonight… thanks much! :)

  4. Craig says:

    What you wrote, “Darkness. Sin. Overwhelming guilt. Great fear. Helplessness. Hopelessness. I had known them with tremendous familiarity.” I’ve seen them too – and alternately beaten them back and been beaten by them. I also know that to have had the ability and opportunity – and then not – I know how hard that is. You inspire.

    God Bless and keep you Rina
    and His face shine upon you…
    and all of yours.

    • RinaPeru says:

      And I thank you for reading my posts and taking your time to write your comments and share your thoughts. You’re generous in spreading warmth – glory to God!

      May God bless you and keep you and yours – always.

  5. Ginger says:

    Thank-you so much for this testimony, I think so many women and men do just that.
    God Bless,
    Ginger

  6. Pamela says:

    A beautiful story of love and grace. Oh, how it blesses me to read once again the difference Christ makes. Thank you sharing this.

    With joy!
    Pamela

  7. Charlotte says:

    Wow, what a roller coaster ride your life has been. I’m so glad you found Christ and He straightened out your path. Thank you for sharing your heart.
    Blessings,
    Charlotte

  8. so glad i found your blog! i love your writing style. i’m guessing you’re filipino…me too! (adopted)

  9. Olivia says:

    Beautiful story and so true–spiritually it is the story of every child of God–no matter how it plays out in life. suchakingdom.blogspot.com

  10. Joanie Qualls says:

    Rina, so beautiful truth. So many can relate or should be able to now …as I shared this on my timeline for others to read.
    I have had sooo much “go on” in my life. Different in many ways, but the ultimate result of walking with our Savior remains the same as yours. HE is my everything,,,,!!!!!!!!

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