Just because of my desire to use a lovely feminine theme that is not available in wordpress.com, the former home of Our Healing Moments, I was obstinate to transfer my blog to self-hosted wordpress.org. Before I had that idea, I wanted to buy a premade pretty theme that I haven’t seen within the premises of wordpress.com, but I was warned that only self-hosted wordpress.org could avail of it. Whatever “self-hosted wordpress.org” meant (I didn’t have an idea!), I was dismayed to not be able to use the theme.
But in a matter of weeks, as my blog was transformed from a shabby Cinderella tending the cinders into a Cinderella arrayed with complete princess regalia, so was I also transformed from a very technically-challenged (and often ignorant) blogger into a grinning computer geek (well, almost! :)).
But the short time that I travelled that technical path was not without tears and sleepless nights. Sure, a patient, talented designer did help me a lot, so also a brother in Christ who is a web designer, and then there were the “happiness engineers” (they love to call themselves that) of wordpress.com who capably transferred all of my stuff to my new host. But when everything has been transferred and installed and my designer who did the customization could no longer accept additional work on my blog because of a busy schedule, I felt I was left alone in the midst of a site that still looked askew.
One night at a very late hour, I actually cried in frustration why I couldn’t seem to understand the technical aspect of blog design and why didn’t these thumbnails, featured images, sharing buttons, etc. just align themselves into a beautiful setup and I would then be happy? But while I felt all alone doing the design fixes of my blog and wrestling it into submission, I did my best to research, read and learn, and be brave enough to act. Soon, everything that I wanted to do with the remaining design and function of my site fell beautifully into place and I was squealing with delight!
This challenging path that I had recently traveled reminded me of God’s work in my life. Oh yes, there were seasons when God was silent and I didn’t know what to think and how to go on. I remember a particularly difficult situation when I was fighting for my life in a deserted room adjoining the chapel of Pampanga Fasting House. I felt so all alone and helpless. I agonized in prayer to God, pleading Him to just let me know if He was with me in my suffering and fears. Oh, how I needed to know!
In the midst of my dire need, I grappled to hold on to hope. God alone was my hope! I learned to trust in a powerful, invisible God and never let fear veer me away from pursuing Him. I learned to derive strength, peace, and light from His Word. I devoured His Word like the Living Bread that it really is. The Lord Jesus said, “I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever” (John 6:51) and “the Word was God” (John 1:1). So I sought Him, cried out to Him, held on the hem of His garment, and wrestled with Him to bless me too just like Jacob had done.
When God was silent in my life, my faith developed bones and muscles and gained a kind of strength that I couldn’t have gained if I were smothered by His attention and love. Not that His love was lesser in the season of His silence, but rather, it could be a manifestation of the Father’s greater concern for His precious child. And so by His grace, I grew in the knowledge of Him.
During the season of His silence, He wants us to learn, to trust, to exercise our faith, and cast away our fears. He wants us to be strong, overcomers, more than conquerors, good fighters of faith. As Paul had found out, “For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:10).
When our hearts are right with God, there is no reason to doubt Him in His silence. As the song goes,
God is too wise to be mistaken God is too good to be unkind So when you don’t understand When you can’t see His plan When you can’t trace His hand Trust His heart.
Trust His heart! His heart aches for us, beats for us!
This Christmas, and all the days of the year for that matter, is a good time to remember His great love for us. Remember and take it to heart and let it be etched there; let every heartbeat whisper:
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
Let this be our meditation as we celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer.
My gratitude list – the things I’m thankful to the Lord for:
14. An afternoon out with the family after over 3 years of not being able to do so.
15. My newly-transformed blog (I love it!) and the people who have patiently helped me: Bro. Glenn D. of Designer Philippines, Tiffany of Beautiful Dawn Designs, wordpress.com people, and Susan of Oh, Hello Designs who also happens to be the developer of my blog’s theme Pure Elegance.
16. For His sweet mercies, undying faithfulness, and showers of blessings that tears fall freely in overflowing gratitude!
17. For the Spirit of love, of power and of a sound mind, and daily inspiration to share and distribute His gift.
18. Hannah taking pictures of me inside the car while waiting for her Dad and Tim; us laughing at her quirks.
19. Tim planting a firm, long kiss on my cheek with a very tight hug.
20. For a very powerful, anointed, glorious preaching today during Sunday service. BLESSED beyond measure!
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Journey with Jesus,