The Need to Step Back

I can’t wait for tomorrow morning to write this. The tears that had flowed copiously are just drying up and I want to hold on to the inspiration that filled my mind.

Tonight, I came before the Lord with a heavy heart and a sorrowing soul. I couldn’t really put my hand into what was making me feel low. Maybe it was a mixture of overall sadness and weariness, of partaking in a loved one’s burdens (which also broke my heart and brought me to tears), and of hunger.

The past few weeks I had been hearing a gentle calling, a calling to withdraw from all the loudness and busyness of daily life. Even at dinnertime with family, I had been mostly quiet, wanting to just revel in the silence of my thoughts. There were things I wanted to talk about, but I had chosen to keep silent. I wanted to honor the gentle calling to come away in a quiet place and rest awhile.

Tonight, I was able to identify the hunger. It was my soul’s hunger for my Savior. Maybe it had been long enough that I had engaged my senses, my whole being, with the world that I wasn’t aware that I was beginning to fray. Social media is a great tool to promote our humble ministry, but the involvement could get too loud. And we can lose our perspective.

And it can wear us out.

Sometimes, to be able to advance in our faith journey, we need to “step back” to regroup and reassess the situation, to review, refresh, refill, and re-salt. Yes, re-salt. We are the salt of the earth and if the potency of our saltiness has been diluted by too much of the world, what can bring the power back but the holy anointing of the Lord?

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? … (Mat. 5:13 NIV)

So there is a need to retreat before it’s too late.

Tonight, I sang to my Lord three special worship songs. I started out empty, hungry, thirsty. But He met me in my place of lack. He received my humble offering, songs like soulful prayers, and tears started to roll down.

I know I had been too hungry about a few things, things of this world. Too hungry for them to feel guilt gnawing at my heart. I desire to travel again to far places and see the world. I am so hungry for it every time I see people traveling, my heart sinks.

But tonight, hauling all my emptiness and sorrow and laying them down at the feet of my Lord Jesus, He made me see what I was really hungry for.

“I couldn’t face my life tomorrow without Your hope in my heart, I know. I can’t live a day without You! ~ From Can’t Live a Day Without You by Avalon

As I sang these words, He started to fill me. I didn’t know until that moment how hungry I really was for Him. Singing to the Lord, seeking His face and yearning for His sweet, holy presence is the most fulfilling thing we can do in our everyday life. But sometimes, we delight more on the things around us than in Him.

When I sang Shannon Wexelberg’s version of Psalm 23, my body shook as I sobbed uncontrollably. I wanted the Lord Jesus so much I felt He was just in front of me, and my heart whispered, “You are true. You live. You are here. You see me now. I matter to You.”

Each day, Your goodness and mercy will be following hard after me.

To know that He follows hard after me, this knowledge is too wonderful for me! His goodness and mercy will follow hard after me – He will answer my prayers, He will lift up the burden, He will bless, bless, bless!

When I sang my final song, the tears were definitely not done yet. I cried out what my soul was really desiring. I wash’t even sure about it before tonight. But the Holy Spirit revealed to me what my soul was longing for. And I cried it out; the Holy Spirit cried it out. I long for the glory of the past, of 2006, when our family went to crusades all over Luzon throughout the year.

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. (Rom. 8:26)

 He has refreshed me, restored me. Then I thanked Him for loving me. Hold that thought: we thank Him for loving us. Just.simple.truth.

And You are restoring, restoring me;

Yes, You are restoring, restoring me;

I know You’re restoring, restoring me. ~ from Shannon Wexelberg’s version of Psalm 23

I’m linking up with these lovely blogs.

Journey with Jesus,

Comments

  1. His love is precious and never-ending. Truly a gift we can’t “deserve’ or earn. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    I agree it’s so easy to become overburdened, even with the noise of social media. I understand. When I’m feeling restless and annoyed for no reason, it’s usually because there’s been no quiet moments to reconnect with my Heavenly Father. It just would be nice to be disciplined enough to not get into that state…

    • RinaPeru says:

      Restless and annoyed because we didn’t know we have slowly lost our perspective – ugh! Too familiar! We thank the Lord for His patience with us and His unfailing mercy to call our attention. But yes, discipline is an all-important virtue!

  2. susan says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. Your words are so refreshing and encouraging. You touch my heart : )

    • RinaPeru says:

      Thank you, Susan. I owe it all to our gracious Lord for using this imperfect child of His for His purposes. I am nothing without Him?!

  3. Joanie Qualls says:

    Oh, yes, yes, Rina. Amen, Amen. HE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH, EL SHADDAI. “IN HIS PRESENCE IS FULNESS OF JOY” The less I say, the better. The more of HIM, the better.

    • RinaPeru says:

      “The more of Him, the better” – always, Joanie! I will keep this in my bosom and in my often-tends-to-stray mind.

  4. Alecia says:

    Oh, how I feel this at times, social media is a great way to connect and spread the word about your message, but if we are not careful it can become a black hole of your time. I’m starting to recognize when I need to step back and refuel with Jesus. To be disciplined enough to do it is another matter.

    • RinaPeru says:

      “A black hole of our time” – you’re so right, Alecia. It is so wonderful to live a non-virtual life with the Lord and He’s always beckoning us to Him. We do NEED to PRACTICE DISCIPLINE.

  5. Oh sweetheart, thank you for sharing this. We all have those moments when He is calling us to that quiet place…so He can restore our souls and fill us with Himself. I am so blessed by your encouragement to all of us to LISTEN when He calls and not delay in following Him.

    Love and hugs,
    Kate

    • RinaPeru says:

      And there is a need to write these things down, not only to share, but as reminders that can be read every now and then! :)

  6. Hazel Moon says:

    It is good to sing before the Lord and to cast all YOUR care on the Lord and also the care that others have burdened you down with. Thank you for sharing your sweet time worshiping Jesus. at Tell Me a Story.

  7. Misty Kearns says:

    Beautiful post Rina. I feel the same stress and strain and noise from life and need to take time to retreat and refresh with the Lord. Thank you for the reminder & thanks for linking up at Motivating Monday at CEO of Me this week!

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