Wrestling Against Discontent Part 2

Lord willing, The Wrestlings Along the Narrow Path discussion will continue next week.

So, in the early morning after Friday overnight worship service, I went to bed holding close to my bosom that touch of the holy that I had felt during the foot washing. I was silently praying, as slumber slowly set in, that when I awake, it’s still with me. Because I needed it so much to stay. For good.

(image from Google)

When I woke up around noon and as I entered into private worship, I was thinking about it. After a few songs, I was weeping.

This craving is too much, Lord. I crave too much to be well and be able to go out and travel. I crave too much it hurts. Let me crave for You more than anything. Let me crave for the things of You. Your pure teachings. Your pure will.  Let my eyes and heart be ever on the lookout for You.

Liberate my mind, heart, and soul from cravings that hurt and bear down heavily upon me. Because, Lord, I’m being torn apart. Please let me not be torn apart.

And I cried much.

I know it’s not common among many Christians to wrestle against such cravings. Why? Because they are blessed with good health and strength and they can go wherever they want to go or are sent to (in case of preachers and workers).

After 2006 where our family raced from one crusade to another in nearby provinces, more or less ten crusades in all, I had not been able to travel far from home (and three years prior). After I gave birth to Tim in 2007 until now, I had patiently waited to become well and strong enough to travel again. Six years passed like a breeze and I even barely noticed it. If I say that I had not gone to the grocery store that long, it may seem that I’m complaining. But truth is, I’m not. I just want people to understand that it’s human nature to desire to go out. To have a picnic by the lake or at the beach perhaps? (Though I have far bigger dreams than that, like traveling far and wide to share the gospel and my testimony).

One kind commenter mentioned that, unlike me, she said she’s happy when her trips are sometimes cancelled because she prefers to stay home. Well, I love staying home, too, but when you have been unable to travel for years, it’s natural that you crave for it!

Sunday while I watched our Church’s worship service via live webcast, I felt the Lord had a message for me. I closed my eyes and let my mind become receptive to what the Lord wanted to tell me.

Stay with me, here at the cross, where my blood was shed for you. I stayed My course until it brought Me here. You may find it shabby sometimes, a shabby place, this old cross, this dusty ground, this hill. But I want you to stay with Me and find joy in My presence here. 

My eyes were tightly closed and I could clearly see the Lord hanging on the cross on that hill and I was enveloped with warmth. I felt that there’s comfort and happiness in that place where the Lord’s presence was! And I wondered, really wondered at that fleeting moment, why I had craved to go to places other than there, and why I had felt sad and on the verge of entertaining discontent at all.

The Lord is faithful to meet us at our place of need.

13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1 Cor. 10:13)

I might be linking up with these lovely blogs.

Journey with Jesus,


  1. Hazel Moon says:

    Contentment is what Paul said he had discovered no matter where he was or what was his circumstances. It is not always easy to be content. Possibly it must be a decision. Thank you for sharing your story at “Tell Me a Story.”

    • RinaPeru says:

      True, Hazel, it is not always easy to be content especially when you have been ill and suffering for a long time and can’t travel. But I believe it is also true that one NEEDS to DECIDE to be content, by God’s grace – it is the better way.

  2. Ann says:

    Oh, dear Rina! My heart goes deeply out to you today and my prayers go up! On different occasions, I am familiar also with that yearning and discontent,. Maybe not for the same reason that you have struggled, but we all have moments that we do struggle. Sometimes I wonder if God allows us to wrestle with these things, so that we have no choice but to seek Him even more. What a sweet message God gave you on Easter Sunday ~ ‘Stay with Me and find joy!”! Hold onto His promises, Christian sister!!
    In His love, ❤Ann @ Christ in the Clouds

    • RinaPeru says:

      Ann, I see these wrestlings as a way to cleave to the Lord ever more steadfastly. I think people of the world do not have them (not in the spiritual way anyway) for they need not struggle against the spirit. Thank you for reminding me to HOLD ON to His promises! I trust you had a blessed Easter!

  3. Amen, sweetheart! “The Lord is faithful to meet us at our place of need.” I’m so thankful for this!! Thanks for linking this up this week. Beautiful.

  4. susan says:

    You are strong in HIM!! He will keep encouraging you.

    • RinaPeru says:

      I feel that, Susan, Him encouraging me every step of the way, prodding me to keep on going. Isn’t He wonderful like that? Blessings!

  5. Lauren says:

    Hi Sister,

    Beautiful post. You know the mature bride of Christ comes out of the wilderness LEANING on her Beloved. And this leaning translates from the same word as the leaning of Saul’s last kin that David had at his table–the crippled one. It’s having no strength or means of our own. That is the Christian bride in her most mature state. I wrote a post very recently on contentment. It’s so difficult sometimes.

    Bless you, Lauren RunHoly.com

    • RinaPeru says:

      Mephibosheth. I see my leaning heavily upon Him, Lauren, both physically and spiritually. He’s the breath in my nostrils and my next heartbeat… Yes, it’s so difficult sometimes.

  6. Yes! God always does meet us where we are and no matter where our physical bodies may be {at home or away}, we ought to desire to be nowhere else but at the foot of the cross. Thank you for this wonderful reminder.

    I’m stopping by from the GraceLaced link up. After clicking through, I noticed how beautiful your site is and I appreciate the lovely music you’ve got playing. I linked up a post about “being” versus “doing” that you might be interested in reading. You can find it at http://www.domesticblissdiaries.com.

    • RinaPeru says:

      Thank you for appreciating my blog, Alana – glory to our loving God! Will be visiting you.

  7. Roxy says:

    Hello, I have read a few of your posts and this is my first comment to you. Your words are lovely and very much of a tender heart. I would like to come visit again. I find solace in blogging at times. To hear of the love we have in common for our dear Lord Jesus. For that is what we have in common.
    Blessings, Roxy

    • RinaPeru says:

      I thank the Lord for bringing you here, Roxy, and for touching your heart with the words He has inspired me to write. I find solace in blogging, too! When I put my thoughts and heart into words, straining for the Lord’s light and ever receptive to His gentle whisperings – I know that I’m drawing nearer to Him. Blessings!

  8. Hazel Moon says:

    Thank you for sharing your lovely story at “Tell Me a Story.”