“The Wrestlings” Discussion {Chapter 10: Battling Discouragements}

We talk about battles with discouragements in chapter 10 of my ebook The Wrestlings Along the Narrow Path.

(image from Google)

I had just finished making a round of calls. Unfruitful calls. No, there were still no orders. It’s been over a month and I had practically no money left. The LPG tank had not been refilled. I had begun cooking rice in the oven toaster (I was glad to discover that it cooked rice perfectly!). Thankful also that the electricity was still on. But, this can’t go on any longer. I must do something. This is hard. The questions and doubts began to gain prominence in my mind, “Was it a mistake to give up my work in an established cosmetic ingredients company and start my own? Should I close up shop and begin looking for employment ASAP? But this has been my dream. And I have only been 4 months in the business.”

I buried my head on my desk and sobbed.

But after those few moments of discouragement, confusion, frustration, and release, I unburied my head from my desk, wiped off the tears that smeared my face, got up and prepared myself Earl Grey tea. I sipped quietly, all the inspiration, courage and strength coming back in full strength.

That was the only major discouragement that I had gone through in all of my life that I can remember, and it was 15 years ago. That is, until I surrendered my life to the Lord Jesus Christ. Even before I received Him in my life, the spunk that I used to have in my career had gone out and I was left with only weakness, fear, and trembling. That’s what an illness like mine can do.

Doing my best to believe in and trust the Lord Jesus with all my heart for my healing, I pursued genuine faith relentlessly. But sickness and suffering – physical, mental, emotional – and the painful stretch of time and uncertainty could weigh down heavily upon a person. There were visitations of discouragements. Discouragement to go on fighting, battling a giant of an illness, and there were moments that I just wanted sweet release. But thinking about my children always stopped me from completely desiring it.

But I had found out a more painful cause of discouragement. It comes from the very person you hoped and expected to encourage you. No, he or she need not do it intentionally. But by the way they treat you, your fragile courage could come crashing down.

You are weak and sick and you suffer indescribably everyday and the only thing that stops you from wishing to be with the Lord is your love and concern for your children, so you hold on. Then comes your spouse whom you have hoped and expected to fully support you, and maybe he fully supports you, only that he doesn’t know how to show it. And maybe in his own personal battles against confusions, hardships, and frustrations, he could say and do  things that could unravel that flimsy, threadbare courage you’re holding onto.

And you spiral down an abyss of self-pity, resentment, and discouragement. You want to give it all up. All that you’ve worked for and gained in your walk of faith, all that inspire you and give you joy. You are discouraged and you just want to give it all up and be miserable. And maybe then, they will feel sympathy for you and deep guilt, and you will then think that they will change.

Or you just want to run away. To escape. Only that you cannot leave your sick bed. Or you have not enough strength. At other episodes, you even want to run away from God, to just be left alone, by Him, by the people in your life, and you just want to bury yourself in your own pit and hope to be gone.

I have painfully experienced all that. But the Lord Jesus Christ has unfailingly scooped up the miserable heap of myself and lovingly stroked me, soothing all my pains and comforting me with His gentle words of assurance of His love and mercy.

Through all the discouragements that I have been through, my Lord Jesus was very present. And maybe this was what He wants from all of us: to know Him more and trust Him deeper and depend on Him in every aspect of our lives – health, happiness, courage.

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me. (Ps. 63: 6-8 NIV)

It’s true what David said, that Your love, Lord, is better than life.

The Wrestlings Discussion Series:

The Wrestlings Discussion {Chapter 1: Eyes of Envy}
The Wrestlings Discussion {Chapter 2: Envy, Competition, and Covetousness}
The Wrestlings Discussion {Chapter 3: Heart of Covetousness}
The Wrestlings Discussion {Chapter 4: Jealousy}
The Wrestlings Along the Narrow Path {Chapter 5: Eyes on Jesus}
The Wrestlings Along the Narrow Path (Chapter 6: Lessons in Love}
The Wrestlings Along the Narrow Path {Chapter 7:
 Weeding Out Marital Woes}
The Wrestlings Along the Narrow Path {Chapter 8: The Great Gentleness Challenge}
The Wrestlings Along the Narrow Path {Chapter 9: Perfectionism}

I might be linking up with these lovely blogs.

Journey with Jesus,

Comments

  1. jdukeslee says:

    The last verse? About God’s love being better than life? One of my very, very favorites…

    • RinaPeru says:

      I’m continuing to learn it’s real, deep meaning in my experience of life with Him, Jennifer.

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