“Why Weepest Thou?”

On the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb where Jesus was buried three days before. But finding the stone covering the tomb rolled away and the body of the Lord gone, she ran to tell Peter and John. Peter and John came back to the tomb with her, and when they saw that it was empty except for the linen cloths, folded and lying neatly where the Lord’s body had been laid, they went back home. (They still didn’t know and understand what the Scriptures said that He will rise again from the dead).

(image from Google)

But Mary stayed behind, weeping by the tomb’s entrance. She was overtaken with so much grief. And still weeping, she looked inside the tomb again, maybe wishing to see her Lord still lying there. But she saw two angels instead who spoke to her.

When she turned around, the Lord was standing there, but she mistook Him for a gardener. And the Lord asked her, “Why weepest thou? Whom seekest thou?”

Why weepest thou, Mary? 

It’s been over four years since I last worshiped in Church (in the stadium where our Central Church, Jesus Miracle Crusade International Ministry, holds service three times a week). Around the second quarter of 2009, I could no longer force my body to travel the distance from our house to the venue, so I stopped going. My husband continued to attend three times a week, the kids going with him every Sunday (they sing in the choirs).

It was a tremendous blessing when our Church started the live webcast of Sunday’s and Friday overnight’s services. Since then, I worshiped at home.

Though I do my best to praise and worship the Lord in private twice everyday, there are times that’s just hard to do. My physical suffering and the discomforts it brings hamper my energy to exalt the Lord and dampen my fervor. To worship, one needs one’s whole being to be engaged in the holy exercise.

And to not be able to fellowship with the Lord’s Spirit, and one’s spirit be not enrapt in the holy joy (joy unspeakable and full of glory) the presence of the Lord brings – life is like a desert. And sometimes, it could run for a long season.

But last Friday night, with a new ISP and a promise of a hang-free live streaming and with the kids in their rooms upstairs, I found myself unusually fastened to the congregational singing. I had discomforts as usual, but I wanted to get as much as I could from the worship service, so I did my best to keep still and concentrate.

During the solemn singing, I closed my eyes and imagined that I was in the worship service (not lying in bed at home) and worshiping in total abandon: my arms wide open like an oblation and my face turned toward heaven like I was receiving its abundant outpouring. I was singing with all my soul in my mind and I felt the stirrings of the Holy Spirit. I realized my breath becoming constricted because of what’s happening inside me and all the internal energies I was putting into my heartfelt, silent worship. And tears welled in my eyes.

Why weepest thou? Whom seekest thou?

With all the strength I could muster, I raised my hands and barely holding my tears and being careful not to sob (for that would throw me into another bout of panting), I told the Lord, “I hadn’t realized how much I missed You, Lord. I miss You, Your powerful presence, the glorious moments of basking in Your love and light.

“I long to worship You, Lord, with all I am and all that I can give. There’s a longing for You that grips my soul and nothing can assuage it except Your manifest presence, the experience of Your love for me.”

Three days after the Lord died on the cross and was buried, Mary Magdalene went to His tomb. Three days and she was already longing for her Lord and Savior, the One who mercifully liberated her from the seven demons that shackled her. And the Lord acknowledged her, “Mary.”

This makes my heart skip a beat. The Lord knows me, too. He knows my name. He will also acknowledge my weeping for Him, my yearning to seek Him. I can hear His voice speaking my name. Rina.

He knows yours, too. Can you hear Him speaking your name? (Tears welling up again).

I might be linking up with these lovely blogs.

Journey with Jesus,


  1. Tracy says:

    Hi Rina, great post here. I too am grateful that the Lord knows my name. Visiting from Tell me a Story
    God bless

  2. Hazel Moon says:

    I am so happy you can enjoy your church service by computer. That is amazing. Thank you for sharing her at “Tell Me a Story.”

  3. jdukeslee says:

    Your heart is beautiful and tender. Such an intimate moment you’ve shared. God delights in you, and your heart for worship. Thank you for sharing, friend.

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