A Day in the Life of a Suffering Believer

You see the photos of brethren in Christ from your beloved Church posing for the camera with smiles of fulfilment and victory in serving Him, and instead of fully rejoicing with them, envy tugs at your heart. When will these unpleasant feelings ever go away? The fine group of believers, selected according to their gifts, talents, and anointing, flew across the continent to bring the true gospel of salvation to another race so needful of the Savior. And you know without a doubt that what they have (good health and strength) and what they do (traveling to preach, testify, and win souls) are the very things that You. Are. So. Desiring. Longingly and painfully desiring.

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You stare harder at the happy faces, some of them couples, and you even think, “What does it feel to be standing in their shoes?” And your heart is wrung with the pain of not living that life. You withdraw from it, your soul suddenly engulfed in sadness, your heart heavy. You don’t need these, these additional emotional burdens. You already have too much physical discomforts as it is. But as the day would have it and whether you like it or not, you are again entering into a warfare with the annoying oppressor.

You do your best to rein in your mounting resentment. Where did that come from? From all the hardships and problems that don’t seem to leave you and from the thought that the answer to your one constant prayer of healing is a long time coming. So, you wrestle against impatience, murmurings, brewing resentment, and a sulky attitude. But of course, you cannot hide the hint of glower on your face.

You stay silent, like you’re treading on dangerous ground, and you are. For “in the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” (Prov. 10:19).  But you know that a powerful Christian doesn’t handle such days inefficiently. You know that his goal is to make you miserable and there’s no way you’re letting him, if you know better! So, you think of lifting up thanksgiving to God, only that you don’t feel like doing it. Not now anyway.

But with all the strength you could muster, you cast out the demons that try to bind you and bring you down in Jesus’ name. You cast them out with power and faith in Jesus. You know too well this is the way of a victorious Christian!

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7)

It doesn’t take long and you feel you’re being drawn to His presence. You like that! So, you don’t waste time. You bow before the Lord and the words begin to tumble out. You tell Him everything, every detail. Every heartache, every longing, every desire, every negative feeling that you want Him to take away and replace with His good and perfect gifts. You empty out the contents of your heart, for, you know that He alone can help. Your spouse or friend may listen, but you know that there is really no one on earth who can really bring you comfort or soothe away your afflictions. You know It. Is. Only. Jesus!

After you’ve unloaded your burden, you don’t only feel relieved and comforted – you know you’ve chosen the more excellent thing, a spiritually profitable task, and the feeling of accomplishment lifts up your spirit! The Savior has redeemed the day! And doesn’t it dawn on you that He. Is. Faithful like that? He is!

In bed at night, when everything is quiet, you ponder more about Him, His will, and His purposes. And you remember the book you’ve been reading, that chapter about consecration that caught your attention. You are beginning to realize that embracing consecration [a life dedicated to God, set apart for holy purpose] will actually remove all feelings of envy, jealousy, discontent, bitterness, of desiring to live the lives of other people. For if you willingly and fully consecrate yourself to God, you  focus only on Him and His will, and you wait on Him, not minding the things you do not have and cannot do and enjoy. You think about St. Paul bound and buffeted by the “thorn in his flesh”, yet, he embraced consecration and rejoiced no matter what.

You like this:

Prayer creates an interest in consecration, then prayer brings one into a state of heart where consecration is a subject of delight, bringing joy of heart, satisfaction of soul, contentment of spirit.

The consecrated soul is the happiest soul. There is no friction whatever between him who is fully given over to God and God’s will. There is perfect harmony between the will of such a man and God, and His will. And the two wills being in perfect accord, this brings rest of soul, absence of friction, and the presence of peace.

~ The Complete Works of E. M. Bounds on Prayer

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Journey with Jesus,

Comments

  1. Jedidja says:

    You touch my heart with your words. Thanks for this reminder Rina.

  2. LuAnn Braley says:

    Beautiful! I know those “I can never be as ____ as so-and-so” feelings. Thank you for the much needed reminder that there is a way out of that trap!

  3. Rina! Visiting from The Weekemd Brew! Wow! This post gets to the core of the suffering heart and leads it to complete trust in him. I remember struggling with infertility and feeling just as you described. Desperate for what I want and so envious of others who seemed to have it all. Only on days when I truly relied in Him did I experience peace. This post was spot on! Thank you!

    • RinaPeru says:

      Yes, Lisha, if only we totally train and practice on just focusing on Him, only on Him, then, we wouldn’t be too weak against such negative feelings that discourage us and make us faint.

  4. Barbie says:

    I find the voices in my head that tell me I am less than, not enough and will never attain to anything. Oh how I long to come to a place where I fully accept myself as He created me. This can only happen as I allow my mind to be bound to His mind, so He can change my mindset and rewrite the wrongs that have been ingrained in me. Blessings!

    • RinaPeru says:

      I see now that we all have different problems and weaknesses that we face and wrestle with – some personal, some physical, some spiritual, and so on. I pray, Barbie, that the Lord will take away all inferior thoughts from your mind and that you’ll embrace your uniqueness and gifts and be victorious in the things He has purposed for you!

  5. Joanie Qualls says:

    That is beautiful, transparent and true, Rina friend. ..in seasons of my life, the same words that you shared apply. The same words even though it is not related to physical as yours. Amazing. Jesus healer, …spirit, soul and body. We thank You for You and all Rina shared . A men. Shalom!

  6. Melody says:

    Beautiful thoughts – dropping by for my first time.

  7. Hazel Moon says:

    Thank you for your honesty in sometimes feeling envy or covetness about others in the spotlight, but honestly we all have our place in the body of Christ. I am glad you began to recognize where those thought were coming from and that old enemy is tricky. Thank you for sharing your awesome post with us here at “Tell Me a Story.”

    • RinaPeru says:

      Yes, dear Hazel, am EVER GRATEFUL to the Lord for using me in my writings, and I am humbled and honoured. But I do long to travel to places to testify and share the Gospel :).

  8. The deceiver – He tries to steal our peace, our wholeness – but God is there – just waiting for us to take it all to Him. There are things each of us struggles with – big and little heart aches – and, no matter how vigilant I try, I need encouraging reminders like your post to give it all to Him:) Thank you!

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