I won’t burden you any longer with more stories of sickness and suffering. I won’t tell how my hours and days pass. But I will probably tell you how I’m inspired to be writing a new book and how I’m learning a lot, both in style and content. Or maybe I will tell you how I’m being refreshed by the scent of water, a quaint book I’ve stumbled upon. Or that I’m trying to memorize the love-oriented verses of Romans 12 and how they’re reviving me. But I won’t tell you how I live the hours in-between those fulfilling activities.
I’m chasing away the cobwebs of sorrow, anguish, resentment, bitterness, and self-pity from my heart and mind that I have slowly allowed to build up. I had said goodbye to complainings long ago but my heart had been beating new murmurings lately that I had not checked at once.
I wasn’t aware until recently that the dross had gradually gathered in the crevices of my heart and mind that responding to my suffering with loathing and impatience was becoming the practice. And I asked myself, “Why should I allow the devil to weary me thus? Why do I allow myself to dwell in the darkness created by cobwebs and dust when I can pursue beauty in my Lord and King?” This abiding in the atmosphere of shabby faith makes the beauty of hope in my life fray and fade, but though heaven and earth will pass away, God’s words will never pass away (Mark 13:31).
So, I’m pursuing hard after God’s beauty to be displayed in my life to taste and experience and bask in. So when His words say,
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. (Ps. 103:8)
I will not respond with bitterness, but believe. Only believe!
(Photo courtesy of my friend Perla Frisberg; edited by me).
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