Not I But Christ

At the heels of the passing of two beloved sisters in Christ, I had been pondering on the mercies of God that He has heaped on me. One of those two sisters who had gone to be with the Lord was a really close friend of our family. From the day that I first set foot on the church and received the Lord Jesus Christ, she had assisted me lovingly and assiduously. She visited me at home regularly, often bringing a prayer warrior or a preacher with her to pray over me and lay their hands on me for my healing. In 2006 when I received partial healing and our family went to crusades in the provinces, she was always there to assist us, making sure we settled in our lodging comfortably and were provided with food from the pastoral house hosting the crusade. She was fervent in caring especially for the sick, the weak, and the suffering, always displaying bold and unwavering faith. Then a few months ago, she went to be with the Lord.

It always seemed to me that that day would never come, that it would be a long, long time before she would die. She was always on fire in serving the Lord, always on the go for Him. But the Lord said it was her time.

Then another sister in Christ followed just a few weeks later. This sister visited me in 2010 when I was struggling between life and death. She came with a fellow adults choir member; they praised and woshiped, then prayed for me.

They went ahead of me who has been sick for a very long time; they who visited and prayed for me. So, I have been reflecting on these happenings, deeply thankful for the Lord’s enduring mercies for me. And I have been earnestly asking, “What can I do with this life to bring more glory to God?”

But on Friday overnight worship service, I was once again caught in the deadly grip of another attack of my terrifying illness. For almost two hours, I wrestled helplessly as breathing threatened to leave me. When it was all over, weak and bone-weary, these thoughts came to me: Though this body is battered by illness and suffering, I will not let the “bruises” or any sign of the work of the devil be displayed. But through this broken body, I will let the beauty of the Lord shine. Only His beauty will be seen in me. Not the suffering, but the inspiration and encouragement for others. 

I am sure there is a verse about that. Which one is it? I asked, eyes tightly closed as my body was regaining strength. Then the Holy Spirit brought it to me. The words shone in the darkness of my weary mind:

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Gal. 2:20)

I cannot count the times that this body has hovered over death that I consider it gone. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. That’s why I’m still here, breathing the breath of life. Every moment of every day that I’m given, I live by faith and obedience in the Lord Jesus Christ who loved and gave Himself for me. Whatever that means, however it looks like, whatever it takes  – only He can show it to me. He will supply the strength.

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Journey with Jesus,


  1. Mari H. says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am also thankful that this loss is not permanent. Heaven looks sweeter every day!-Mari

  2. Hazel Moon says:

    This walk with Jesus is sometimes a struggle and like Paul who said, to be with the Lord may be greater, but it is needful that I remain with you. (Parapharased) The passing of two dear sisters does cause us to question, why them? but in His devine wisdom, he knows the number of our days and with him they are secret. Thank you sharing with us here at “Tell Me a Story.”

    • RinaPeru says:

      True, Hazel, and sometimes, the only thing we can do is to make the most of the days we are given. Blessings to you!

  3. What a glorious day when we leave our earthly afflictions and are reunited with loved one and our precious Lord. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    • RinaPeru says:

      Yes, Sandy. We should not lose sight on the coming of that glorious day but ever looking forward to it with great anticipation!

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