Most people postpone living to when life gets better or is different: when healing has come, when that most-coveted job has been obtained, when finances have improved, when love (Mr./Ms. Right) has arrived, etc. In the early years of my illness, I postponed living, too. I couldn’t possibly make plans while my body was sick and my mind was occupied with concerns about how to obtain healing. Many self-help books advise that we should live in the present. Yesterday is gone (we can no longer do anything about it) and tomorrow is not promised. True. But when you suffer, you just want the minutes, the hours, the days, the years, pass swiftly. I like the idea of living in the moment but imagine this: when I’m struggling for breath and every second adds to my exhaustion and weakness —- I just want the moment to pass and quickly, people! While I go through those hard times, I sometimes think, “Who would want to live in this moment of physical torture?”
Okay, so I’ve proven that there is an exception to every rule :). But what if the illness (or other impediments) is here for the long haul and our dreams of a different, better life are not seen in the horizon? God will make a way to make our days fruitful as long as we look upon Him for strength, wisdom, and inspiration. I’m slowly learning that we do not have to wait for when things get better – better health, better education, better opportunity – to be used by God for His purposes and plans. He meets us where we are and whatever is lacking in us, He will supply. Yes, He can make good use of us for His kingdom as long as we make ourselves available. When we think that we are insufficient, His grace is sufficient and He will see to it that it will work mightily in us.
I always imagine that my present life is a hiatus, a kind of a layover while a different life – healed body and renewed strength – awaits me in the future. Of course I never want to lose sight of my deepest desire which is complete healing and the ability to walk, do things, and travel. My most cherished daydreams see me traveling to different places, testifying and telling the world about Jesus. But I avoid too much daydreaming because that will not make my days profitable, and honestly, the more I think about those dreams and plans, the more I yearn and ache.
After an agonized prayer towards the end of 2009 where I begged the Lord to use me, bless my days, and make my life more meaningful, the Lord gave me something worthwhile to do for His kingdom: write. To tell the world about Jesus and how He’s been moving in my life and in Church through written words. With cooking and baking for the family on the side and teaching the kids in our nightly family devotion, I have my hands full and my heart singing praises!
No, we need not postpone living. We can’t afford to waste any moment mooning about the future which we do not hold. But this we know, that God holds our future. We surrender our lives to Him now and He will make our futures unfold brightly, more than we ever imagined.
The path of the righteous is like the morning sun,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day. (Prov. 4:18 NIV)
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