Finding Our Way to His ‘Yes’

The spontaneous prayer was triggered by a comment on FB. I posted a photo of a present from Dubai from one of our Church’s worship leaders who ministers overseas. Wherever he is sent to, he brings me home a souvenir. Last year was a framed collection of  sands of the Middle East. That had touched a chord in me, rekindling my hope to be healed and be able to travel to distant shores to share the Gospel. This had been my belief: the sands served as a sign that someday, I’d be able to walk on them. But after another year of waiting, adding to the decade before that – the fire gradually ebbed again.

But many of my beloved brethren in Christ who continue to hope and pray for my complete healing expressed their undying faith that, yes, someday, I’ll be traveling and testifying about the love of Jesus. They have that undiminished hope for me, but what of my own self?

I sat at the edge of the bed and prayed, because the discrepancy of the measure of faith between my brethren in Christ and me lay heavy on my conscience.

I told the Lord how my desire and hope to be healed have gradually gone downhill all these years of waiting. My prayer went something like this:

Lord Jesus, I think I haven’t enough desire left to continue to wrestle for my healing. It just petered out without me even realizing it, until now. Other things had made me preoccupied and satisfied that I hadn’t realized I wasn’t that hungry for healing anymore.

Sure, I still pray for it incessantly, but somehow, it’s different now. I know that without robust faith, I can’t possibly receive miraculous healing.

But Lord, if You’re waiting for me to be perfect, that is, blameless and without blemish, before You decide to heal me – then I believe I will never receive it. If You require my perfection before You will heal me, then I think I’ll never be healed.

But I don’t think that’s the way You operate, Lord. You have great mercy and compassion in You to give what I desire and need. That even my lack and imperfections are covered by Your love. All of it – my disease and faults – is covered by Your magnanimous love. And so, I know, that healing could come – because of who You are and not what I do or not do.

For, Lord, I believe I had done everything I knew to try to move Your hand to heal me. For the past decade, I diligently behaved myself before You – cowering in great fear, constant repentance, and humble obedience. I tried everything I knew – having faith that could move mountains, trusting only in You, immersing in the Word and living in it, worshiping, testifying to whosoever would care to lend their ears. And when that hadn’t been enough – to bear and endure unto the end.

But Lord, 11 years had come and gone and I remain unhealed and unable to walk beyond few feet. I’m beginning to think now that maybe it’s not really what I do that will move You. If You really want to, if You’re willing, I know You can heal me in the blink of an eye. And so, I leave it all up to You.

The tears began to tumble down my face. And for me, that is always a good thing. Shedding tears for my Lord and my God is never a waste but an offering. Suddenly, a shift happened inside me. I spoke again.

But Lord, You are all that really matters. Whatever I say, whatever I desire for my life – it is You who really matters. As long as I love You with all I am and You love me eternally – that is all that matters.

Tears streamed down; my body shook in uncontrollable sobs. I received His ‘yes’. His resounding ‘Yes!’ For to desire to love my Savior King with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength will always elicit a ‘yes’ from Him. For this is the first and greatest commandment (see Mat. 22:36-38).

Do you find it hard to receive His ‘yes’? Just love Him. You know His answer to that.

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I might be linking up with these lovely blogs and Still Saturday.

Journey with Jesus,

Comments

  1. Maria says:

    Great message! I’m in a period of waiting for God to open a door to restore my career. I left the workplace many years ago to become a stay at home mom. Now that my son is older, I’m ready to return to the workplace full time. This period of waiting is hard. Some days I question my skill set, abilities and education. My confidence wavers and a defeated spirit sets in. Your message today was a God sent reminder of His love. During this time, I’m learning to trust God more.

    • RinaPeru says:

      Praise God for blessing you with this, Maria. I’m praying with you that He will give you your heart’s desire. In the meantime, just love and trust Him. He’s worthy of all our love and faith.

  2. Surrender is always the most difficult step to take. May you be blessed in your letting go. Thanks for linking with Unforced Rhythms.

    • RinaPeru says:

      Letting go may be hard, but it’s also the most liberating thing we can do for ourselves, especially if we’re surrendering to the most high God. Thank you, Kelly. Blessings in return.

  3. Julia Diesel says:

    This is incredibly touching. I love reading your posts; they are so heartfelt, and full of wisdom. I’ve been waiting for a yes from Jesus, myself. I would like to be filled with His Spirit. Sometimes I feel sure that I have been, other times, I doubt it. But, like you said, to desire Him with all that I am, will always result in a ‘yes’ from Him. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They will help me to find the way.

    • RinaPeru says:

      Praise God for working faithfully in our lives even in the little things like blog reading :). I’ve found out that my deep hunger, which I tried satiating through tangible things, is really the Lord’s way of revealing to me that my hunger is for Him, for His love that never grows cold. I pray that He will draw you ever closer to His love and that you will feel His presence without a shadow of doubt.

  4. Mary Hill says:

    So beautiful. I grateful that although I live in pain daily, I can walk from my living room to my bedroom. If I feel able I can even walk around the block. I hope that does not sound insensitive to your plight. I have so much empathy. You have so much faith and grace. Loving the Lord will one day bring you your “yes.” He may not heal you on this world, but one day you will dance in paradise. I hope what I have written does not sound like a platitude, because I mean it with all my heart.

    • RinaPeru says:

      Thank you so much for your beautiful words, Mary. Even though I’ve heard them all before – encouragement and platitude in all shapes, sizes, and sounds, so to speak – I feel that you are earnest with yours. I receive your every word with faith and love and I’m deeply grateful. I know I will be dancing with my Lord and King in Paradise someday. That’s always a lovely thought. I’m not offended by your sharing of what you’re able to do. I’m sincerely happy for you. Blessings to you!

  5. Beautiful prayer of surrender. It is one of the hardest things, but so freeing, to surrender it all to his will. I believe he delights in those types of prayers. I pray that he gives you peace as you continue to seek him and he reveals his purposes to you. Thank you for sharing.

    • RinaPeru says:

      I believe it’s wisdom from Him, Abby, to relinquish all control to Him. Anyway, He holds the future and our lives and He knows what’s best for us. He will give us a future and a hope.

  6. June says:

    Dearest, Rina, I pray that prayer was a turning point for you, whether or not He heals you this side of heaven. May you draw ever closer to Him. Blessings.

    • RinaPeru says:

      Yes, June. I believe that’s the most important thing: to feel His presence, the reality of Him and His love in our lives, now, more than anything.

  7. This touched my heart.
    Sometimes it is hard to believe all He really wants is our love, for us to put Him above everything. When we do, the peace is overwhelming!

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