The “Older Son” Mentality

I wrote this September last year and queued it for posting. It’s 5 months old but powerful testimonies such as this and the lessons we learn from them never go out of style).

We sat down to dinner to partake of the takeout that Felix brought home after attending the anniversary of an outreach of our Church a few towns from our place. Midway, he told the kids to listen well to the testimony he heard and he was going to share. The testimony was about a young man who backslid and turned back to a life of debauchery. Completely forgetting the Lord who had saved him, he revelled in all kinds of vices. There wasn’t a day that he wasn’t inebriated. This went on for 8 long years.

Older Son Mentality

For the record, I’m not that fond of stories about backsliding. They irk me.

My husband continued. The man soon met his doom (in our common belief, it was either God’s judgment or His protection over him had been removed). He figured in a fatal motorcycle accident fracturing his skull. He was rushed to the hospital. A fourth of his brain was removed. He was comatose for two months.

At this point, I want to insert the grave warning from Hebrews (for that’s what I thought after listening thus far to the testimony):

For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries.  (Heb. 10:26-27)

Still, my husband continued and looked like there was much more to tell. The man testified that while in coma, he was flung into hell. There, he was tortured by demons night and day, forcing him to drink gallons upon gallons of liquor. He testified of many other horrible things that he witnessed in hell. I will not go into the details now, but these terrifying things that he revealed – kids’ obsession with cartoons like Pokemon, video games, rap music, etc. – all met their punishment in hell. These were the ones my husband emphasized to the kids, warning them to never be involved with any of those things.

I reminded him that Hannah and Tim, by the grace of God, don’t watch Pokemon and the like and never listen to rap music. As a rule in our home, we only play praise music. We don’t have a cable service or a powerful antenna. It’s very rare that the kids watch TV except videos on YouTube like Oggy and the Cockroaches. I had to mention that secular program because Tim is fond of it. But that night, he was told never to watch it again.

[Update: Tim never watched Oggy and the Cockroaches from then on. When we gladly open our hearts to the Holy Spirit’s voice and invitation to an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus, obedience to Him in every aspect of life becomes sweet].

My husband was not yet done. The man awoke from coma but couldn’t recognize anyone including his mother. He couldn’t function physically and mentally due to the damage in his brain. But his mother, who remained faithful and fervent in serving God even when all these trials came her way, brought his son’s picture to our beloved Pastor Wilde Almeda. After pray over and laying on of hands (with just his picture) by the man of God, he was miraculously healed. His mind and all his bodily functions were restored and he recovered completely.

Undoubtedly, as the other countless testimonies I’ve heard in our Church, Jesus Miracle Crusade International Ministry, this one was astounding, there’s no denying that. I should have punctuated it with a shower of Hallelujah! and Praise the Lord! as I’m wont to do. I’m an unapologetic “glutton” for amazing testimonies, especially ones about miraculous healing. I feast on them. Aside from the Word, I fill up my soul with them to nourish my faith. But this time, I reacted differently.

This wasn’t about the brother who backslid, almost died, and was healed. This was all about God and His amazing grace and mercy. I could very well see that. But even before my husband ended his story, a shadow had crept into my heart like a dark, ominous cloud casting gloom on the earth. The testimony depressed me, not at all because of its triumph, but to me, it turned into a story of jealousy. I knew that I shouldn’t turn the spotlights away from God toward me (again!), but my understanding was so narrow that I wanted to think about me. I knew it was wrong. I knew so well it wouldn’t benefit me at all. And it wouldn’t honor God, which is the utmost concern. But still, I opened my mouth to put into words the bitterness that had risen up within me. Mine wasn’t an agitated reaction but more of a feeling of dismay. Or maybe of cold acceptance of my plight.

I acknowledged God’s great mercy toward the brother, that He is, without a doubt, a very merciful God. But I couldn’t stop myself from reminding my husband that He seemed to have overlooked me all these years that I had been faithful to Him (by His grace!). Since I gave my life to Him, I didn’t turn back. But this brother, after knowing Him, turned his back and dishonored Him for many years. But after all that, God restored his health. It was a bitter pill to swallow.

Do you hear the words of the older son echoing through time? I did! With sparkling clarity! I had become the older son in the Lord’s parable and resented my prodigal brother! I knew I shouldn’t question God’s judgments, so, after saying these words, I kept my mouth shut and no longer mentioned the matter for the remainder of the night.

As I rested after dinner, I prayed to God and asked for forgiveness for sulking and being jealous. I told Him I honored His judgments and that He was a righteous and just God. (I did that because I knew it was the right thing to do). Then the words of the father in the Parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 came to me: “[Daughter], you are always with me, and all that I have is yours” (v. 31).

For a while, I let those words roll in my mind and sink into my heart. All that I have is yours. At that moment, it was imperative to me that I acknowledge the blessings of His constant presence in my life all these years. There must be tangible proofs of His love for me despite my unhealing. Then the image of my beautiful son Tim appeared in my mind. He is, undoubtedly, one of God’s wonderful blessings to me.

Around 2005, I dreamed twice of a beautiful baby boy sleeping beside me. I became ill and unable to work in 2003. In 2005, I was still waiting for healing, but I had enough faith to believe that the dream would become a reality. And it did. In 2007, I gave birth to my son Tim. I was still waiting for healing, but this great miracle happened in the middle of that.

Every time I’m with my boy, the memory of God blessing me with him is never far from my mind. And my heart sings gratitude.

Like me and the older son in the Lord’s parable who was always near his father he couldn’t see the continuous flow of blessings in his life, do you also sometimes miss seeing and appreciating God’s goodness in yours? In what ways have you done it?

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Comments

  1. Hazel Moon says:

    I can understand your feelings that somehow God just was not fair to heal and restore that young man after his rebellion and sinful life. What about me? That is a question we often hear. “I am not getting mine.” is another one many say, when they view others and compare themselves. Oh how I would desire that the plain was more level, but that is just the way it is. God does all in his plan and in his time and although we question, it is really not up to us to decide who gets healed and who must wait. Oh Lord, send the fire of healing and burn out everything that hinders complete restoration. Flow with your mighty power to flood and cool and repair where the fire has gone before. Thank you for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story. Your son is handsome and a joy to you I am certain.

    • RinaPeru says:

      Thank you, my dear Hazel, that your comments always come from the heart and are laced with wisdom. You don’t skimp in your desire to contribute. Thank you for the love and prayers. Yes, my Tim is a source of delight to me :). Praise God!

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