He Colors My World

I have been used to my world, a world exclusive to those who are suffering: dim, sad, silent. Fortunately, I have been endowed both with introverted and extroverted personality. When I was still working, I utilized the one to succeed in sales and marketing, and the other to enjoy solitude while I reloaded. My introverted personality helped me survive the years of solitude due to my illness and suffering. But at first, the inability to see the outside being bed-bound brought great melancholy. No wonder, after my husband bought me a wheelchair and I was wheeled outside of our room in the Pampanga fasting house, the sight of the azure sky, the trees, and the grass made me sing.

Every time I hear a newborn baby cry or touch a leaf or see the sky
Then I know why – I believe!

There were months that my world got so colorless and quiet with only my silent prayers and praises keeping me company. I would squeeze my eyes tight as I waited hopefully for relief from my suffering. There were seasons I only knew blankness.

When the Lord called me to write, He also gave enough strength for me to be able to do it. A few years later, He inspired me to read encouraging Christian books (when I was saved, I had someone burn all my secular books). And so, even though I haven’t been able to go out for a long time now, the Lord colored my world with words.

Lately, I found myself enjoying socializing via Facebook. After more than a decade of being ill and isolated from the outside world, I felt uneasy to be “out” there again (even though I haven’t left my bedroom). I write on my blogs to draw people nearer to God and encourage other Christians in their walk with the Savior, but I am in that stage of initially testing the waters to be completely open to socializing. There are many, both JMCIM brethren and old friends, who want to come visit. But I say “No”. It’s not that I have become totally antisocial, but my illness hinders me from entertaining visitors.

At times I daydream of welcoming friends at home and sharing to them the Gospel; having coffee or tea with them while enjoying a heartwarming discussion. That would be wonderful and I look forward to the day! In the meantime, the Lord is slowly leading me to be friendly and warm on FB which is the only place I can visit with friends and acquaintances without traveling. Considering my situation, I sometimes feel skittish warming up to old friends and former classmates. Fact is, I go running to the Lord Jesus seeking approval, quietness, and rest when I feel I have been exposed too much :).

In one of those times while I laid myself at His feet, wanting Him to know that my heart has not been stolen by FB, He assured me that He wanted me to be happy and be myself. He spoke in my heart that He gave me friends to color my world, that I should not be afraid. And that He knows that nothing and no one can take His place in my life. He let me know that expanding my territory by forging friendships will enrich my spiritual life. After all, “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” as apostle Paul wrote in Galatians 5:6. Or, as Ms. Holly Gerth cutely puts it: “Love is Faith Expressed” or L.I.F.E.

So, how can we show our faith if we are afraid to show our love? Our faith works through love. There is no other way. We thank God for bringing color to our world and we should not be scared to be out there, whether physically or virtually. He holds us and He will never leave our side.

(Photo of Hannah playing Kundansoy during her piano recital at the Meralco Theater).

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Journey with Jesus,

A Friend in Jesus

Sorrow and suffering bring you to a place where you can know the deep things in life. Deeper faith, deeper understanding, deeper sensitivity. These are the gifts that come along with them. Sometimes, they drive you to a deep need to reach out and open up, or, shut up the world from your life and just settle in your shell to avoid being hurt. I have been in and out of both, but reaching out to share has always had the upper hand.

(Image from Google)

After a usual day alone with my writing interspersed with suffering, my husband finally came home in the afternoon. Often, we just have snacks together and talk about trivial things (sometimes I just prefer to clam up and not tell how hard my day has been). But this time, I had the overwhelming urge to tell him about the book I’ve started to write. I told him that he’s the only soul I’ve shared what the book is all about, then proceeded to show eagerly the first few chapters. He was nodding but distracted. Before I was finished, he stopped me (not rudely) and said, “Can we just cut it short because I want to take a nap.” I have known this forever. That he’s someone who is rarely interested with books, or reading, or writing, or analyzing (he only reads news and sometimes the Bible). Why I keep forgetting this fact in our life is entirely my fault. Although I know all this, I still get hurt and I still long to have someone to talk to about the things that interest me.

But I have to quietly accept the fact that husbands can’t be everything. Mine does sacrificial love every single day: massages my atrophied legs late at night when I can’t sleep; assists me in bathing and washing my hair; runs errands – the things I want him to check out or buy in stores, etc. etc. But he can’t be all I want him to be. That wouldn’t be fair. Husbands are not all-in-one.  That’s why there are women friends. And I’m in want of one.

I had a friend once who knew all my flaws but still didn’t think of deserting me. She was the one who would volunteer to walk with me the whole length of Mega Mall for the nth time because I finally decided to buy the blouse, or the dress, or the pair of shoes. She would do her best to keep her drooping eyes open while I talked into the night. But I made sacrifices for her, too. I would endure a migraine attack that was killing me while we ate a Thai dinner which was her favorite. She was the one who would go to such lengths just to buy me roasted chestnuts when out of season (but Chinatown had it and she intuitively knew) because it was what I was pining for while I was pregnant with Hannah. But before I gave birth, she had left for Canada, a better opportunity for her. We haven’t seen each other for 8 years now.

But though I’m hungering for a friend I can touch and laugh and cry with, I know I have one who is always there and ready to listen. He can be as close as the next heartbeat. He eases my pains; soothes my sorrows; and makes me soar in the inspiration He brings. My friend is Lord and King and He loves me forever. I’m glad I found a friend in Jesus.

Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

From the song What a Friend We Have in Jesus

If you have been blessed by your visit here, please like Our Healing Moments on Facebook and connect with me there. Thank you!

I might be linking up with these lovely blogs.

Journey with Jesus,