I have been used to my world, a world exclusive to those who are suffering: dim, sad, silent. Fortunately, I have been endowed both with introverted and extroverted personality. When I was still working, I utilized the one to succeed in sales and marketing, and the other to enjoy solitude while I reloaded. My introverted personality helped me survive the years of solitude due to my illness and suffering. But at first, the inability to see the outside being bed-bound brought great melancholy. No wonder, after my husband bought me a wheelchair and I was wheeled outside of our room in the Pampanga fasting house, the sight of the azure sky, the trees, and the grass made me sing.Every time I hear a newborn baby cry or touch a leaf or see the sky Then I know why – I believe!
There were months that my world got so colorless and quiet with only my silent prayers and praises keeping me company. I would squeeze my eyes tight as I waited hopefully for relief from my suffering. There were seasons I only knew blankness.
When the Lord called me to write, He also gave enough strength for me to be able to do it. A few years later, He inspired me to read encouraging Christian books (when I was saved, I had someone burn all my secular books). And so, even though I haven’t been able to go out for a long time now, the Lord colored my world with words.
Lately, I found myself enjoying socializing via Facebook. After more than a decade of being ill and isolated from the outside world, I felt uneasy to be “out” there again (even though I haven’t left my bedroom). I write on my blogs to draw people nearer to God and encourage other Christians in their walk with the Savior, but I am in that stage of initially testing the waters to be completely open to socializing. There are many, both JMCIM brethren and old friends, who want to come visit. But I say “No”. It’s not that I have become totally antisocial, but my illness hinders me from entertaining visitors.
At times I daydream of welcoming friends at home and sharing to them the Gospel; having coffee or tea with them while enjoying a heartwarming discussion. That would be wonderful and I look forward to the day! In the meantime, the Lord is slowly leading me to be friendly and warm on FB which is the only place I can visit with friends and acquaintances without traveling. Considering my situation, I sometimes feel skittish warming up to old friends and former classmates. Fact is, I go running to the Lord Jesus seeking approval, quietness, and rest when I feel I have been exposed too much :).
In one of those times while I laid myself at His feet, wanting Him to know that my heart has not been stolen by FB, He assured me that He wanted me to be happy and be myself. He spoke in my heart that He gave me friends to color my world, that I should not be afraid. And that He knows that nothing and no one can take His place in my life. He let me know that expanding my territory by forging friendships will enrich my spiritual life. After all, “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” as apostle Paul wrote in Galatians 5:6. Or, as Ms. Holly Gerth cutely puts it: “Love is Faith Expressed” or L.I.F.E.
So, how can we show our faith if we are afraid to show our love? Our faith works through love. There is no other way. We thank God for bringing color to our world and we should not be scared to be out there, whether physically or virtually. He holds us and He will never leave our side.
(Photo of Hannah playing Kundansoy during her piano recital at the Meralco Theater).
If you have been blessed by your visit here, please like Our Healing Moments on Facebook and connect with me there. Thank you!
I might be linking up with these lovely blogs.
Journey with Jesus,