When You’re All Alone in Your Pain

Meditating on Psalm 142.

Look on my right hand and see,
For there is no one who acknowledges me;
Refuge has failed me;
No one cares for my soul. (v. 4)

We have David weeping and crying out to the Lord again. Alone in the cave he resorted to, fleeing his enemies, he lamented his predicament. He felt so all alone, deserted, bereft of someone, anyone, who could comfort his soul. Except the Lord. When David found himself in the isolated island of loneliness, fear, and uncertainty, he cried out to God. He knew that in Him, he was never really alone.

I cried out to You, O Lord:
I said, “You are my refuge,
My portion in the land of the living. (v. 5)

Have you been in that place? A dark, damp, musty cave where there was no escaping? The jagged walls are hostile, cold, and wet. Creepy creatures seem to lurk in the dark nooks waiting to make their attack. Well, you may not find yourself in a real cave like that, but still, you feel alone and scared and the world around you seems not to care, or cold and hostile even.

I have been in that horrifying place. When sin and guilt morphed into a full-blown monster and attacked my mind, I was like a trembling leaf petrified to the core. I went out but the demons of fear followed me. They were in the restaurant where I ate, or in the mall, or in the corridors of the hospital where I walked with shaky legs, or in the doctors’ clinics that smelled of antiseptic. Or in the dimly-lit room of the psychiatrist (now, that was like a cave minus the stalactites and stalagmites). The people around me and in the other tables talked and laughed like I wasn’t unraveling and crumbling inside. To be sitting there, feeling like a whirlwind is swallowing you up into the depths, and yet, they don’t know – is a pure chilling feeling. That is what it feels to be isolated, deserted.

The people who try to help cannot really do it. They cannot reach that far or that deep. No doctors, no therapists, no friends, no family – yes, just like David – can reach out to save the drowning. Only Jesus. I have been in that place and have found out that only Jesus can reach out that far and deep and dangerous. Only He has the unequalled power and the intensity of unconditional love to save and deliver. He gained it from His death on the cross – our redemption and salvation, our healing, our deliverance from the dark cave, the whirlwind, the dimly-lit psychiatrist’s office, and the demons. All the things that ever imprisoned us.

There is nothing that His grace cannot reach and His love cannot cover. He fills all things and He’s in all things.

 (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? 10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) Eph. 4:9-10 NIV

When you think you’re all alone in your fear and pain, you’re never really alone. Run to Jesus. He is our refuge, our portion in the land of the living. He will deal bountifully with us.

Bring my soul out of prison,
That I may praise Your name;
The righteous shall surround me,
For You shall deal bountifully with me. (v. 7)

(Photo courtesy of my cousin Bill Raras).

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God Sent His Word

It was 2006. I was sitting in our Astrovan with the side doors wide open while the mid-week service in the chapel of Pampanga fasting house was on-going. We were en route to a crusade in another province but stopped by Pampanga for a night. I sat alone in the van parked just beside the wide chapel doors; I was again battling against nervous breakdown and it seemed it was more intense that afternoon. I saw the back of a preacher worshiping with all his being. I had never seen him before. I heard that he was visiting from Cebu Outreach and he was going to preach that afternoon.

“I hope he will teach something today that will help me,” I prayed silently. But when a brother in Christ who had just come out of prison testified, my nervousness heightened and I felt weary. The brother was saved while in prison. A former policeman, he was wrongly accused of being involved in a multiple murder case which became very controversial. How his testimony affected me to the point of panic was beyond me. But that was what the demons of fear did to me. Besides my physical illness, my mind was attacked, too. They made me believe that my life was in danger one way or another. They made me think that God would not deliver me, that I was alone and vulnerable.

When the preacher stood up, I was all ready to listen. Suddenly, he cried out the words of the Lord in a loud voice:

After these things the word of the Lord came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward. (Gen. 15:1)

I was jolted out of my seat! I felt like the words were directly spoken to me! It seemed like the heavens were opened and a bright light was poured out on me like a laser beam accompanied by an angelic chorus of Hallelujah! I tell you, friends, that’s the power of the Word at work! All at once, the demons of fear fled. The words of the Lord pierced through the darkness of my soul and I only saw light, hope, and a bright future! For I believed that God’s promise to Abram was for me, too. God is my shield and my exceeding great reward! What assurance did I still need? If your heart is right with God, you can claim that for yourself, too!

The Word of God is alive and powerful. This is what the Lord Himself says about it:

“For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven,
And do not return there,
But water the earth,
And make it bring forth and bud,
That it may give seed to the sower
And bread to the eater,
So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. (Is. 55:10-11, emphasis added)

Through His Word, God delivered me from my fearfulness and nervous breakdown. He sent His Word and this was what it has accomplished in me. We cannot remove our fears on our own. We yield ourselves to God’s Word and let its power work in us. He speaks to us through His Word. Then we will know that there is really nothing to fear with Him by our side.

If you have been blessed by your visit here, please like Our Healing Moments on Facebook and connect with me there. Thank you!

I might be linking up with these lovely blogs.

Journey with Jesus,