Run to the Well

I open my Bible to Psalm 145 after a whole-day Sunday worship service. There shouldn’t have been a need for it considering that I’ve just been to church, but all day, and all week for that matter, I had waited for a touch or inspiration from the Lord, but until this Sunday afternoon, I remain – untouched, uninspired. All day as I watched the live streaming of our church’s worship service alone in the bedroom, I felt like I was barely getting by. I couldn’t immerse my whole heart and mind into it. Maybe it’s because of my back and abdomen that were making me breathe through the mouth. Or maybe I’ve just become…dry.

Run to the Well

So, here I am with my journaling Bible opened to Psalm 145 with my glittery pens and colorful highlighters. I’m running to the well. I am going to glean bits of fallen barley stalks. I may not be like those harvesters that gather the barley in armloads, but I can be Ruth who picks up after them, what they have left behind. It feels like that for me. Gleaning is hard work and at the end of the day, we only have as much barley as a rectangle of cloth can accommodate. But Ruth went for it day after day, and she and Naomi never got hungry.

Sometimes we feel that God is distant (or maybe it’s the other way around?). I have been begging Him to enable me to travel. I have a renewed desire to pursue this petition relentlessly. I believe that traveling would definitely bring a fresh change into my life. But that isn’t happening.

I couldn’t feel Him through Sunday worship and I think that another prayer (with me not really into it) won’t make a difference. There is a need to run to the well.

If we are thirsty, we need only to draw near the well and drink.

I begin to read Psalm 145 and I marvel at David’s outpouring of praise and worship. It’s like a shimmering rain of gold dust from heaven itself. I am not feeling what David was feeling. But I forge on. I am journeying through God’s truth.

I know what Psalm 145 says.

The Lord is gracious and full of compassion,
Slow to anger and great in mercy.

I have often put these words beside what I experience everyday and there has been a gnawing, painful question in my heart of the difference between these words and my daily experience of sickness and suffering and not being able to walk, do things, and travel. 

I ponder on the Shepherd and what the Bible tells about Him: Going through all the villages and healing all manners of sickness and disease. And there is something I definitely do not understand.

And maybe this has put a distance between me and the Lord Jesus in my heart. Still, I do my best to follow Him closely and love Him fervently.

I read and reread Psalm 145. I write my gleanings beside it. I even make them elaborate by putting them in boxes and drawing flowers around.

The Lord is gracious and full of compassion,
Slow to anger and great in mercy.
The Lord is good to all,
And His tender mercies are over all His works.

You open Your hand
And satisfy the desire of every living thing.

He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him.

(Selections from Ps. 145).

Nothing amazing happens. But I close my Bible with a somewhat satisfied heart. I continue to sit in quiet like Mary at the feet of Jesus. So, I continue to wait. Two mornings later, He leads me to Ephesians 3.

that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Eph. 3:16-19, emphasis added)

There is a need to grow my roots deeper. To drink more often from the Well.

But can I ever begin to comprehend the boundless love of Christ? I believe that it would take eternity to do so? I sure would like to know the love of Christ translated into comfort and peace and warmth and joy in my heart; translated into health and healing and rest in my body.

I sure would like to know this love that passes knowledge translated into dreams and prayers turning into reality and testimony.

So, I keep quiet and wait. I wait for Him at the well: here in His Word. Even when I reenter the flurry of daily life, I will be waiting for the Lord’s touch and movement in my life.

To wait with an expectant and restful heart is blessing enough.

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The Savior’s Faithful Love

We wouldn’t know how far we’ve drifted away from the Lord’s sweet love and nurturing until He brings us to a place of refreshing. Sure, we know we have not turned away from Him and followed another path, but we can also be in that place where gladness of serving Him seems to be absent. We may not have changed our routine – morning and evening praise and worship, prayer, and Bible reading – but we may not notice for a while that our fervor has been missing in all our thoughts and communion with the Lord. We might also have been delighting ourselves elsewhere. Not sinful pleasures, but still, they might have stolen precious time intended for the Lord and watered down our spiritual ardor.

Often times, we may not be aware that is what’s happening. Worse, we may not know the root of the problem. Why do we seem to be drifting away from the Lord’s presence instead of constantly desiring to seek Him? In the changing seasons of my ailing life and faith journey, I have examined myself not just a few times concerning my spiritual fervency. And what I have dug deep down almost always points to one thing: my soul is moping. My soul is brooding over the thought that the Lord is busy answering others’ prayers and blessing them, and so, I’ve to keep on waiting.

The Holy Spirit might remind us that the Lord loves us so much He died for us. To which we might answer, “Yes, yes, I know all that. But…but I can’t feel it now.” We may even recite all that the Lord has done for us, saving us and such, but the words are dry and lack   spark. This “dry season” may run for a while until the Lord surprises us with His touch. Then we would know how much we had missed His sweet, holy presence. He will talk to us and our hearts are ready to listen, for it can’t be that we can resist His love.

Such interlude I had experienced recently. The Savior came with His love, touching all my aching places. While I basked in His love, He talked to me in my heart. I want you to know that you’re never alone and I have not forgotten you. I will always love you. There are so many things you don’t understand now, but never think that I favor others over you. Don’t compare yourself to them. I love all my children uniquely. I felt the lover of my soul serenading me and assuring me of His faithful love.

Then He led me to an almost two-hour praise and worship where I revelled in His glorious presence. As I worshiped with love ablaze, He continued to talk to me and remind me that only in knowing and honoring Him and putting Him foremost in our lives will we find lasting joy and fulfilment. 

You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Ps. 16:11)

And even when our love’s flame subsides (again!) and we reach another plateau in our faith journey, He will be faithful to come and revive us again.

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Journey with Jesus,